The moment a child is born, the mother is also born. She never existed before. The woman existed, but the mother, never. A mother is something absolutely new.
– Shree Rajneesh, Spiritual Leader
Being a mother isn’t just a biological process –it is about commitment, love, joy and so much more. It is a blessing and it is about ensuring the life long dedication to make a sensible, responsible, honest human being out of a child. Becoming a mother has its anxieties and dilemmas. It is nowhere close to the calm and poised image shown on television ads or movies. For some women, the ultimate goal may not be to become a mother. For some, the decision may not come easy.
I was talking to a friend the other day who was very upset because someone labeled her as self-centric woman as she is undecided whether she wants to be a mother or not. I could totally relate to her feelings because I had been on her shoes for many years and often received such comments from strangers and as well as so called well wishers. Why is it that women are constantly labeled as selfish if they need time to transition from womanhood to motherhood? Would you rather have someone turning her back on a child than taking the time to make the decision? Is the pressure mainly in the Asian culture or in every culture? Do you agree such decision needs to come from within?
Did I ever think I would love being a mom? Not even in a day-dream. Was I afraid of the lifetime commitment of motherhood? Absolutely. Did I stress about slowing down a fast paced career? Extremely. I have few friends with whom I shared these exact views but we made sure we kept such thoughts only between us and they were not to be shared with others. I am sure there are many who can relate to this kind of thoughts. Many more than who openly admits.
The arrival of my daughter has forever changed my world. Before I was a Mom, I had clean house all the time, unstained clothing, high heels, and no flats. I wore blazers for longer hours than pajamas in a day. I was always the type to say I wanted to focus on career and enjoy our lifestyle as a couple. I slept all night without waking up to check on if everything was in order. Went to bed as late as I wanted on weekends without worrying about getting up early in the morning on a Saturday or Sunday. I had opinions on stay-at-home-mothers who give up their promising career vs. working mothers who pursue theirs. I no longer have opinion on stay-at-home-mothers vs. working mothers. I absolutely don’t judge one who is unsure whether they want to make the transformation ever because I have been there.
Am I am happier with my daughter in my life than I ever remember? Utterly. Do I regret the time I took to come to a realization that I may want to become a mother? Not at all. The transformation from womanhood to motherhood may not be simple for some and, in my humble opinion, there is nothing weird or selfish about it. It is important to take the time, if one needs to, because there is no turning back.
Before I became a mom, I never felt my heart break into million pieces when I couldn’t stop a cry, or that someone so small can have such profound influence on me, or could make me feel so important. The love, the joy, the magic. I never imagined I would love being a mom until I became one. I am astonished at nature’s grace and thank almighty each day for the miraculous decision that I made.
Just because I love my transformation of being a mother does it give me the permission to preach all my friends with no kids to become mothers? I do not have the audacity to do that. Was the decision to become a mother easy for you? Did you ever have any doubts? If you are not a mother, what are your worries when you think about the subject?